It's almost baby time. Ahhhhhhhhh!

I figured it was about time to update since I'm about 2 weeks away from my due date. First potty training. It's going well. Matthew is using the big toilet now and rarely has an accident anymore. He still wears pull ups for naps and bedtime just in case. I think we'll keep it that way for a while. Sleep has also gotten better. He goes to bed without a fight and is sleeping straight through 2-3 times a week. He does, however, wake up quite often with nightmares. I've been trying to do a little "toddler meditation" with him to calm him and give him positive, happy thoughts before bed. It seems to help a bit so I'm going to keep with it. He still has his fears and now he's added to his list. The list of things that now wake him up or bite him now includes penguin, Michael, the cat, a pumpkin with a helmet on, ghost and monster. I took a page from Toopy and Binoo (man I hate that show) and ask Matthew to be a "brave knight" who protects his animal friends. Maybe that will help? I don't know. I'm reaching here.

Matthew's eating is about the same. Dinner is still a struggle and he tries to stall bedtime by getting something to eat right at 8 pm. We have been giving in unfortunately for fear of tantrums and crap sleep. I am finally on the list for the feeding program that starts in May (only a year after we first got referred). We attended two feeding workshops and though his eating isn't as severe as some of the kids, I still worry about how this next year away from daycare will go. At the minute at least he eats for her, but come next week it's just me and him battling over getting any kind of nutrition into his growing body.

In other news, I have some updates about my ongoing eye issue. Right before New Years my left eye got suddenly dark and fuzzy. I went to an optometrist who sent me to an opthomologist who sent me to a retinologist. Initially they thought I had central serous retinopathy, which is a benign condition of unknown origin that causes swelling behind the retina that will eventually go away. I had a bunch of tests done including a special retinal photograph at the hospital and they still haven't confirmed the diagnosis. The problem is that the conclusive test they want to do involves injecting a dye into my veins and they won't do it while I'm pregnant. So I have to wait until my next appointment in May before we can discuss when to do that test. For now, the tentative diagnosis is a choriadal hemangioma which is a benign tumor behind my retina that is causing swelling and vision loss. This is something that needs to be treated and won't go away on its own. I'm hoping this is truly the case because there's another option that isn't so happy. The other option they need to rule out is a choriadal melanoma. Cancer!  It looks like this type of cancer can be pretty easily handled but it's still a scary prospect. All of this has overshadowed the pregnancy and haven't left me much time or energy to worry about me and baby. 

Which brings us to the baby. As my due date looms closer my panic attacks become more frequent. I'm. Not. Ready!  I don't feel prepared. My to do list is still miles long. I'm worried about labour. I'm worried about handling two children. I'm worried about how Matthew will react. I'm just plain worried and full of anxiety. My last day of work is Thursday and it can't come soon enough. I feel a little silly taking off almost 2 weeks early but what's done is done and I'm sure I'll be glad for the break when it comes. My mom is coming down this weekend sometime to help me look after Matthew and hopefully help me prepare for the baby. I hope for her sake I don't go too late or shell be here forever!  I want her here for delivery and I would like to have some help after the baby is born but we'll see how it works out. All of this was really planned out behind my back between Roland and my mom. I can see his concern for me and I'm a bit worried about how concerned he is. I have more anxiety about it all this time than the first time around. I'd better be super diligent about looking out for PPD this time. I think I'll bring it up at this week's OB appointment. I'm surprised he hasn't asked or mentioned anything about my past history. 

So that's what's been going on with me. I hope the next update will include a new baby!

Progress So Far

When I last updated, Matthew had a terrible day at daycare with potty training.  Wednesday and Thursday went much the same unfortunately. I even brought his reward chart and froggy potty to no avail. So come Friday I was desperate. I brought in the big guns. I brought in CHOCOLATE! Well apparently that was quite the motivator. Matthew kept running to the potty to try and then demanded treats. He did earn some treats but unfortunately they made him into a crazed, chocolate hyper maniac who kept hitting and pushing his buddies. He was so wound up that my daycare provider hid the chocolate and didn't give him anything else for the rest of the day. He did have some success on the potty, but only when she brought him. I'll take it as a half win. My plan then for the weekend was to wean the child off the treats and eventually the stickers.

Saturday was a GREAT day! He made lots of pee and even poop on the potty! He did have an accident after dinner, but overall it was good. Sunday was not so good. He made a pee first thing, but then pooped in his underwear and peed at lunchtime. I'm not sure what to make of all this. Is he really just not ready? Is this just normal potty training setbacks? How will daycare go tomorrow? I'm nervous. I don't want to undo potty training, but if we keep having multiple accidents, I'm not sure where to go from there.

Now for the sleeping. Matthew's shinanigans and fighting at bedtime had gotten worse. Much worse. The screaming at bedtime was no longer 2-5 minutes followed by silence in his room as he fell asleep, it was 20-40 minutes that required a visit or three to calm him down. I decided to change things up a little. I started to entertain his baloney for longer than I would have before. I let him use the potty 5 times, let him tell me story after story, get up and down etc. Finally I would tuck him in and tell him very firmly that I would return if he stayed in his bed and was QUIET! Night one, this worked brilliantly. The next night, Roland tried the same thing and again, success. And success the night after that. It seems he needs to talk through his fears a little before bed. Matthew would tell me that Michael wakes him up, or penguin, or Mya our cat. We told them to "go way!" We had to check a few times to make sure they had indeed gone away. Last night Matthew added a new fear to his list. Apparently pumpkin was waking him up. The pumpkin was hiding in Matthew's bed, in his book bin, on the wall and sneaking around outside in the hall. We sent everyone to my room and he went to bed quietly. With no fussing.

This strategy seems to be helping a bit with the sleeping. He's slept straight through twice and other nights he's woken up only once or twice from a bad dream or having to pee. Last night he woke up at 4 am screaming "nooooo noooo nooooo!" When I calmed him down and asked him "no what?" he explained that he wanted to eat his dinner (that he had refused). So looks like this kid has a vivid imagination and is a bit of a worrier. Hopefully talking a lot with him before bed will ease his fears and help him sleep.

I received a call from the behavioural therapist from the sleep workshop last week. Well, a message. She wants to know how it's going. I tried to call back a few times but was unable to reach her. Hopefully I'll be able to reach her this week and we can discuss what's been happening. I'm not sure if we still need support. Things seem to be getting better, if only by a little. But it could just be another trick.

Eventually something has to give right? The child doesn't eat, or sleep, is language delayed and is failing at potty training. We have to get something right eventually right?

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!

I'm going crazy! Totally crazy! Matthew had a horrible day at daycare. He had 2 bad pee accidents and a poo accident and the daycare provider's potty trained son even followed in Matthew's footsteps and peed in his pants because "Matthew pees his pants". When I picked Matthew up, he was soaked through nap and he refused to try to pee before we left. On the way home he said he had to pee, so I stopped at Wendy's and tried to get him to go. He refused. We had a chat, he refused, cried, said it hurt (because he had to pee). When I put him back in the car he said he had to pee, but I kept going. He started crying because he said he had to pee and I yelled at him. I got so mad. I yelled. I knew as I was doing it I needed to calm down and not yell but I couldn't control myself. I was so mad. We managed to make it home without an accident, but by that point I was crying. Matthew peed on the potty as soon as we got home and immediately asked for a treat. I started with the yelling again and then went upstairs to cry in the bathroom.  Matthew followed me, sat on the floor, looked up at me and said "stop Mommy". I managed to put a movie on for Matthew without yelling at him, but I could not calm myself down. I couldn't make dinner. It was all I could do to not yell at Matthew or get mad at him anymore. I was so mad at myself for losing it, but I still couldn't get my emotions under control. I felt so guilty that I had treated him like that, especially over potty training. What if I just scarred him? He's just being a kid, why did I have to lose my cool? Why am I so emotional? Why can't I stop crying?

I basically did my best to ignore Matthew for much of the rest of the night. I did take some time to snuggle him and apologize and tell him that I loved him and he was my big boy, but I couldn't do much more than that. I was just so done. Roland made dinner and took care of Matthew and put together the new shelving unit with him. Finally it was time for bedtime. I dreaded doing it, but decided I was going to do my best to relax. Last night's bedtime and the night before were absolutely terrible. Matthew kept running back and forth and back and forth and back and forth to use the potty, or try to anyway, constantly asking one of us to help him. It ended in lots of screaming and a really really long bedtime. Tonight I vowed to stay as calm as possible and tolerate as much as I could so I could avoid the screaming fits. Matthew did his usual fooling around. He used the potty twice. We had to unclog the toilet because he had snuck in earlier to throw about 20 flushable wipes into the toilet. He wanted cream, wanted to roll the lint off his jammies, wanted a new "nighttime underwear" etc etc. Finally I got him to snuggle in the chair. He was talking non-stop: "penguin wake me up", "kitty wake me up", "go away kitty", "go away penguin" etc. I tried to talk to him telling him I would talk to the penguin and the kitty and tell them to go away and not come in his bed. He wanted me to go downstairs and hit the penguin so I told him I didn't hit anyone and I would talk to the penguin instead. I then changed the subject and told him he was a big boy and he had big boy nighttime underwear on and he didn't have to worry about peeing a little because the special underwear would keep him dry. I was upstairs talking to him for 50 minutes and we finally settled on "if you stay in your bed and you're quiet, Daddy will come and check on you". For some reason this finally worked. I think he was just tired enough.

So we'll see how overnight goes. I hope the worst is over and things will start to settle soon. I hope he'll get used to going potty at other places other than home. I hope he relearns how to go to bed without a fight or shinanigans. I hope he learns to sleep through the night finally. I'm so so so tired of this. I'm losing more and more of my cool the bigger I get. I'm getting sore in places I never was sore with Matthew. I feel huge already and I'm only 27 weeks. It's going to be a long 3 months and then the real hell begins. I'm scared.

Potty Training Continued

Saturday we had a good day. Other than waking up wet, Matthew had a perfect morning. No accidents, lots of pee and poo on the potty. My sister in law showed up at 10 am for my "Christmas Surprise". Roland sent me to a spa for a "Mommy to Be" spa day. I got a massage, pedicure and manicure. When I returned, my sister in law said Matthew made some good pee pee for her. YAY! Matthew had a late nap and stayed dry the whole time. We even went out to a restaurant and walmart and he stayed dry, even tried out his new potty for the big toilet. Shortly after we got home however, he had an accident. DOH!

Overnight Matthew woke up at 1:30 and peed, but then woke up at 4 and was crying and needed a snuggle. He was up at 6:30. Roland got up with him and apparently he made a poo on the potty, but had a pee accident shortly after. He did great for the rest of the day, but had a poo accident in the afternoon. Tonight we are trying overnight pull ups. Hopefully that will keep him dry and prevent unnecessary wake ups. Fingers crossed.

Tonight's bedtime was a little late due to a late nap, as usual. The Matthew shinanigans tonight included being hungry, wanting to pee, twice and then peeing on his own and needing help pulling up his new "nighttime underwear". After helping him with his pull up and explaining that they're special nighttime underwear and will keep him dry, he finally relaxed enough to stay quiet in his bed.

Potty Training Day 4

Last night Matthew had pee at 11:30 when Roland woke him up. He woke up wet at 1:30, then woke up again at 3 and we told him to go back to bed. He came to my bed dry at 6 and we snuggled/slept until 8. Ok ok. I know we shouldn't have slept in like that but man am I tired.

Matthew had one accident this morning but 2 successes before we left for daycare.  Matthew ran off on me while I was packing the car and lost his treat from potty. Looking back, taking away the treat was a mistake. Matthew did not want to go to daycare. He did not want me to leave and he made it clear he did not want to go potty at daycare. He had a breakdown over being redirected from hitting a kid with a drumstick. Eventually he settled and I left for my appointment.

The report from daycare is he did not poo while he was there, refused to use the potty and had an accident at naptime.  Matthew made it home dry and made a pee once he got home. Unfortunately he had a poo accident. He ran to the bathroom but nothing happened. Not too long after he ran again, but he had an accident in his underwear. He remained dry the rest of the night and made a few pees.

Matthew is a bit obsessed with getting his treats. He asks for them constantly. He'll run to the potty, sit on it and produce nothing then demand a treat. He gets upset when he can't get treats. I think I may have overplayed the treats a bit. We've also run into a bedtime nightmare. He now stalls bedtime by constantly running to the potty. He usually doesn't produce. I'm halfway between letting him try and cutting him off. I started telling him to go by himself. He's capable of pulling down his pants and sitting on the potty and he did it a few times. But then I had to check to see if he'd done anything and help him pull his pants back up. I was getting very very frustrated. I put up with the shinanigans longer than I should have. I finally left him screaming at the gate. At one point I heard the toilet flush. Ok, what did he just flush? I had to check. I "think" he peed  and poured the pee into the toilet by himself. I really have no idea. I managed to get him tucked in, but as soon as I left he followed me and started screaming. After 15 mins of screaming Roland went up to deal with it. More pee, wiping the nose, some vaseline on the nose and Matthew finally settled down to bed.

It's official. I'm crazy. It was a stupid idea to get rid of diapers for bedtime in a kid who hasn't learned to fall asleep on his own or sleep through the night yet. But now what? Do I go back and put him back in diapers? Will that ruin potty training? Will bedtime get better eventually? It is only day 4. Matthew also had a hard time with daycare. Will that get better too? Is it just because potty is new? Is it because he hasn't been to daycare in 2 weeks? How long do I wait. NONE of this was covered in the e-book! BLAH!

Ok. So the next update is about me. I had my 26 week OB appointment today and the gestational diabetes test. My blood pressure is perfect, baby is head down, I'm measuring a week ahead and everything looks good. Except that I gained 9 lbs. 9 lbs!!!! in 4 weeks!!!??? WHAAAAAA???? Oh dear. My doctor didn't say anything to me about it but I'm worried I'm going to gain out of control and have more to lose at the end of this thing. I hate the stupid scale. Blah.

3 Day Potty Training Day 3

Last night I woke Matthew at 10:30 to take him to the potty. He actually peed!!! Unfortunately he wouldn't go back so easily. There was a little back and forth before I finally got him to go back. He woke up at 5 am and wanted in my bed. I checked his pants and they didn't seem wet. He didn't want to use the potty but wanted a drink so I got him one. He woke up at 6 with wet underwear, but not not wet pants, so it looks like he only had a little accident. Today I'm determined to catch him before he makes a poo. Since he's up a little early, it might be a while, but I'm watching him like a hawk. Poo on the potty is our last challenge and I hope to conquer it today.

We had one half accident just after breakfast and one successful pee on the potty after that. I was waiting and waiting for him to have to poop and after lunch it finally happened. He looked a little funny so I asked him, then we ran to the potty and he spent a few minutes working on it and SUCCESS! He made a poo on the potty! Just in time for nap. Matthew was really excited and we called his Auntie M. Then we had a successful and DRY nap. After nap, he didn't want to go pee on the potty and then he had an accident. Oops. He had a nice pee on the potty before dinner, but he kept asking for M&Ms. Kiddo likes his candy for sure.

Before bedtime, we had to go visit Oma and Opa before they went on their vacation. He had a pee in the potty before we left and stayed dry for the visit. After bath, Matthew came to say goodnight to me. I reminded him to stay dry and he said he had to go, so off he ran, all the way upstairs since we moved the potty. He MADE IT! Woot! He made one more pee before bed and put up a fuss when he told Roland to go. He settled down shortly after though.

So I guess we wake him up at night for a few more nights? I'm thinking he won't be able to make it through the night without wetting the bed. I'll probably bring back diapers for nighttime starting Monday. I think it might disrupt sleep training, but I'll reread the e-book and make a decision by Monday.

Overall I'd say day 3 was a success. And it wasn't really a true day 3 because half of day 2 was spent in a diaper at a doctor's office.  Tomorrow we'll be at home until 11:30 then I'm taking him to daycare for the afternoon.  I've already prepped his daycare provider who is excited he's using the potty. I just hope having another boy using the potty at daycare will keep him on the roll he's on.

3 Day Potty Training Day 2

Well, as per the 3 Day Potty Training technique I woke Matthew up 1 hour after he fell asleep to take him to the potty. He was half asleep and didn't have to pee so I walked him back and tucked him in. I didn't hear boo from him after that. I woke him again at 5 am to take him to the potty and this time he was wet, so I changed him and the bedding and put him back to bed. He slept until 7:30 and had a dry diaper! Woot! I half think waking him up pre-emptively prevented him from waking up on his own. Who knows. We'll see what tonight brings.

So we got up and I tried to get him to try the potty, but he didn't want to. Shortly after breakfast, as I was preparing fruit, he said "uh oh pee pee". Low and behold he was peeing all over the floor. I rushed him to the potty and sat him down. He had also pooed in his underwear so we had to clean that up too.

I then had to call the optometrist. I was supposed to call on Monday, but didn't want to be bothered, so then I had to wait until today. See, on Friday night as I was going to sleep I noticed a dark patch in the field of vision of my left eye. I didn't notice it after that until we came in from the lake on Saturday. It felt like I had a bit of snow blindness, but just in my left eye. I didn't have much time to think about it because I had to drive home. The drive home was annoying. My left eye was a bit off. By Sunday I realized everything was just a little blurry and dark.

Because I didn't call on Monday, I spent all day Tuesday consulting Dr Dad and Dr Google (only one of them is a qualified optometrist). I started to notice that the dark spot in my left eye was flower shaped and a bit on the red side. I started to worry about a retinal hemorrhage, so today I managed to make a last minute appointment with an optometrist. I had 30 minutes to get both Matthew and myself dressed, out the door and all the way across town for the appointment. We made it only a few minutes late. After many tests, pupil dilating drops and pictures with the retinal camera, the Dr diagnosed me with central serous retinopathy. Which is swelling behind the retina. There is no known cause, but it is linked with stress.  "Have you had any stress lately?"  Um... I'm 6 monthe pregnant with a toddler who doesn't sleep or eat and a husband who works 6 days a week who just threw out his back becoming completely useless to me. The treatment? Nothing. It just has to run it's course and should take 2-3 MONTHS to clear up! GAH! I feel like I need glasses. The difference between the two eyes feels weird and is definitely going to drive me nuts. I'm waiting for the Dr Office to call back with an appointment with an opthemologic specialist to confirm the diagnosis. Hopefully they can squeeze me in this week. Now I'm REALLY wishing I had made the call on Monday.

So what does all this mean for potty training? Well, we had to rush out to the Dr so I had to put a diaper on Matthew and we didn't come back until naptime so he was in a diaper most of the day. Boo. Once he woke up from his nap, I took off Matthew's diaper and put his underwear back on and reminded him to keep his underwear dry and let me know when he had to make a pee.  I watched him closely while I made dinner and kept reminding him. Around 5 pm Matthew says "I have to make pee pee" and he starts running to the bathroom. I followed behind him and helped him with his underwear. He sat on the potty and PEED! No mess! No accidents! I didn't have to "catch" him and carry him to the potty, he went on his own! We had to get a sticker and M&Ms and a prize for filling up his "dry underwear" chart and then we called Grandpa! Matthew was so excited!

Finally Daddy came home and we sat down to eat dinner. Well, Roland and I sat down to dinner, Matthew refused as usual. Halfway through dinner, Matthew starts running to the bathroom. He didn't say a word, he just ran, so I followed him and helped him with his underwear. More pee! He went all by himself. Didn't even tell us, just went! WOOT! Success!!!  More M&Ms and big cuddles!  Matthew claimed he had to pee a few more times, then asked for M&Ms. "No M&Ms, sorry buddy. Next time."

Nearing the end of day 2 and he's starting to get it, even though half the day was wasted at the optometrists office in a diaper. I'm hoping this bodes well for day 3, but I'm not looking forward to no diaper at bedtime.  Fingers crossed.