Day 19

Maybe I should start posting weeks not days? Meh. Last night Matthew woke up at 10:30 crying. I was brushing my teeth and Roland was in bed. We both ignored him. He never came out of his room and he stopped crying in a few minutes and went to sleep. He woke up again at 11:30. Roland wanted to go get him, but I told him to stay in bed, if Matthew needs us, he can come and get us. His door is open and so is ours. Matthew cried louder. Then it was clear he had left his room and was crying in the hall. He never tried to come into our room. I wanted to ignore the screaming, but Roland went and got him anyway. Matthew slept until 5:30 when he came quietly into my room for morning snuggles. Good enough for me. Hoping more ignoring will work better tonight.

Tonight I put Matthew to bed. We got a bit of a late start and I get to putting him in the bed until 8:45. Matthew immediately popped up saying "hot". I changed his shirt to a looser one he chose. Back in bed. Again Matthew complained of being hot. So I picked out a shorts and t-shirt set. He was ok with the shorts, but wanted a long sleeved top. I told him he would be hot, but he didn't care. So I let him put it on. He climbed into bed, I said good night and left the room closing the door mostly behind me leaving a crack. For a few minutes he was quiet, but now he's brought his pillow out to sleep on the floor beside me. Clearly I'm not winning tonight.

I threatened to go downstairs and close the gate if Matthew didn't go back into his room. He didn't, so I left. And now he's screaming. Is there a more effective way to feel like a mommy failure than hearing your kid scream "MAMA" at the top of his lungs? If there is, please don't tell me, I don't really want to know.

I just heard the screaming soften, so I figured he had moved out of the hall. I didn't know if Roland had gone in to deal with him, so I snuck upstairs. No sign of Matthew or his pillow. He was in his bed laying down. I went in, told him I loved him, but at bedtime he has to stay in bed. I gave him a kiss and a blanket and Matthew said "bye". I left and closed the door, leaving it open only slightly. We shall see if it sticks. I'm sure I'll be updating if it doesn't.