Tuesday, March 26, 2013

It's almost baby time. Ahhhhhhhhh!

I figured it was about time to update since I'm about 2 weeks away from my due date. First potty training. It's going well. Matthew is using the big toilet now and rarely has an accident anymore. He still wears pull ups for naps and bedtime just in case. I think we'll keep it that way for a while. Sleep has also gotten better. He goes to bed without a fight and is sleeping straight through 2-3 times a week. He does, however, wake up quite often with nightmares. I've been trying to do a little "toddler meditation" with him to calm him and give him positive, happy thoughts before bed. It seems to help a bit so I'm going to keep with it. He still has his fears and now he's added to his list. The list of things that now wake him up or bite him now includes penguin, Michael, the cat, a pumpkin with a helmet on, ghost and monster. I took a page from Toopy and Binoo (man I hate that show) and ask Matthew to be a "brave knight" who protects his animal friends. Maybe that will help? I don't know. I'm reaching here.

Matthew's eating is about the same. Dinner is still a struggle and he tries to stall bedtime by getting something to eat right at 8 pm. We have been giving in unfortunately for fear of tantrums and crap sleep. I am finally on the list for the feeding program that starts in May (only a year after we first got referred). We attended two feeding workshops and though his eating isn't as severe as some of the kids, I still worry about how this next year away from daycare will go. At the minute at least he eats for her, but come next week it's just me and him battling over getting any kind of nutrition into his growing body.

In other news, I have some updates about my ongoing eye issue. Right before New Years my left eye got suddenly dark and fuzzy. I went to an optometrist who sent me to an opthomologist who sent me to a retinologist. Initially they thought I had central serous retinopathy, which is a benign condition of unknown origin that causes swelling behind the retina that will eventually go away. I had a bunch of tests done including a special retinal photograph at the hospital and they still haven't confirmed the diagnosis. The problem is that the conclusive test they want to do involves injecting a dye into my veins and they won't do it while I'm pregnant. So I have to wait until my next appointment in May before we can discuss when to do that test. For now, the tentative diagnosis is a choriadal hemangioma which is a benign tumor behind my retina that is causing swelling and vision loss. This is something that needs to be treated and won't go away on its own. I'm hoping this is truly the case because there's another option that isn't so happy. The other option they need to rule out is a choriadal melanoma. Cancer!  It looks like this type of cancer can be pretty easily handled but it's still a scary prospect. All of this has overshadowed the pregnancy and haven't left me much time or energy to worry about me and baby. 

Which brings us to the baby. As my due date looms closer my panic attacks become more frequent. I'm. Not. Ready!  I don't feel prepared. My to do list is still miles long. I'm worried about labour. I'm worried about handling two children. I'm worried about how Matthew will react. I'm just plain worried and full of anxiety. My last day of work is Thursday and it can't come soon enough. I feel a little silly taking off almost 2 weeks early but what's done is done and I'm sure I'll be glad for the break when it comes. My mom is coming down this weekend sometime to help me look after Matthew and hopefully help me prepare for the baby. I hope for her sake I don't go too late or shell be here forever!  I want her here for delivery and I would like to have some help after the baby is born but we'll see how it works out. All of this was really planned out behind my back between Roland and my mom. I can see his concern for me and I'm a bit worried about how concerned he is. I have more anxiety about it all this time than the first time around. I'd better be super diligent about looking out for PPD this time. I think I'll bring it up at this week's OB appointment. I'm surprised he hasn't asked or mentioned anything about my past history. 

So that's what's been going on with me. I hope the next update will include a new baby!