Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Day 22 & 23

Last night bedtime was a breeze. Roland did a bath and a relatively quick bedtime. Apparently Matthew told Roland "bye" and so he left and came downstairs. We never heard another peep out of him. Not one. ALL night! In the morning, Matthew was awake in his bed, but didn't come to see us. YAY! Progress! Amazing! I love sleep.

Tonight is a whole different story. Matthew's got a wicked diaper rash going on and has a very sore bum. Poor guy cries through every diaper change. So we did some bare bum time outside while watering the grass, then a much needed bath to get the mud off. After lots of cream, some stories and milk and brushing teeth, we were ready for a song and rocking. Not quite as it turns out. He wanted more bum cream. Ok, fine, I'll bite. More bum cream, then a song and an extra snuggle. After the snuggle, Matthew doesn't want to get into his bed. I held him for a little time longer and explained to him that he needed to go into his bed and mommy can stay for a little bit, or mommy can leave if he doesn't co-operate. I put him in his bed and stayed right beside him. He cried. Then he got out of bed and I left and locked the gate behind me. Roland went up to rescue the situation, but I have little hope of success.

This is too hard. I'm a few days away from calling in reinforcements. This should be getting easier. We're being consistent, we've let him cry, we've laid down the law, and now he's revolting. Was it the weekend with my parents that screwed him up? Why did last night go so smoothly, but Monday and Wednesday go so badly? Frustrated doesn't even begin to describe what I am right now.

Monday, May 28, 2012

Day 21

My turn for bedtime. Matthew is doing nothing but fooling around. He won't stay in bed, he keeps coming up with excuses, he wants to go sleep in my room, so now he's upstairs behind a locked gate and I will only go back up if he calms down and goes to bed. I'm sick of this.

And now, instead of letting me leave Matthew to cry, Roland has gone up and is trying to reason with him. I wish he would just stay on the same page as me and stop undermining me at every turn. Time to go and set things straight. I told Roland to stop undermining me (he was sitting IN Matthew's room), covered Matthew up, gave him a kiss and closed the door and gate behind me. Hopefully that's the end of it.

And the ridiculousness continues. After over an hour of ridiculousness I gave in and rocked him to sleep. Le sigh.

Day 20

My parents picked Matthew up on Friday at 12 and left for the weekend so we could go to a wedding. My parents put his crib mattress on the floor in the guest room upstairs instead of in the basement where it had been. I'm guessing he didn't like the basement because apparently bedtime went well and he slept through the night Friday and Saturday. What the hell kid? Last night Roland did bedtime and it didn't take long for him to fall asleep. Matthew woke up at 2, quietly came into our room, asked for water, then proceeded to bring his pillow and blanket over and slept on our floor until 5:30 when he came into our bed for morning snuggles. I'm crossing my fingers for a good night tonight.

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Day 19

Maybe I should start posting weeks not days? Meh. Last night Matthew woke up at 10:30 crying. I was brushing my teeth and Roland was in bed. We both ignored him. He never came out of his room and he stopped crying in a few minutes and went to sleep. He woke up again at 11:30. Roland wanted to go get him, but I told him to stay in bed, if Matthew needs us, he can come and get us. His door is open and so is ours. Matthew cried louder. Then it was clear he had left his room and was crying in the hall. He never tried to come into our room. I wanted to ignore the screaming, but Roland went and got him anyway. Matthew slept until 5:30 when he came quietly into my room for morning snuggles. Good enough for me. Hoping more ignoring will work better tonight.

Tonight I put Matthew to bed. We got a bit of a late start and I get to putting him in the bed until 8:45. Matthew immediately popped up saying "hot". I changed his shirt to a looser one he chose. Back in bed. Again Matthew complained of being hot. So I picked out a shorts and t-shirt set. He was ok with the shorts, but wanted a long sleeved top. I told him he would be hot, but he didn't care. So I let him put it on. He climbed into bed, I said good night and left the room closing the door mostly behind me leaving a crack. For a few minutes he was quiet, but now he's brought his pillow out to sleep on the floor beside me. Clearly I'm not winning tonight.

I threatened to go downstairs and close the gate if Matthew didn't go back into his room. He didn't, so I left. And now he's screaming. Is there a more effective way to feel like a mommy failure than hearing your kid scream "MAMA" at the top of his lungs? If there is, please don't tell me, I don't really want to know.

I just heard the screaming soften, so I figured he had moved out of the hall. I didn't know if Roland had gone in to deal with him, so I snuck upstairs. No sign of Matthew or his pillow. He was in his bed laying down. I went in, told him I loved him, but at bedtime he has to stay in bed. I gave him a kiss and a blanket and Matthew said "bye". I left and closed the door, leaving it open only slightly. We shall see if it sticks. I'm sure I'll be updating if it doesn't.

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Day 18

Last night Matthew woke up at 1. Roland tried to get him back down, but he wouldn't calm down. I went in with water and gave him a drink and he want back to sleep. At 4 am he woke up again and was crying in the hall. Again Roland tried to calm him down, but he wouldn't stop screaming. Roland gave up and came back to bed. I refused to get out of bed and told Matthew to come see me. Eventually he stopped screaming and came into the room, but I had my back turned. Matthew didn't say anything to me and I didn't say anything to him. I just ignored him and he poked me a few times, then gave up and went back to bed on his own. I think I shall try this again tonight. If Matthew really wants us, he's going to have to come get us and we will do our best to ignore him.

Tonight Roland did bedtime and everything seemed to be fine until I called Telehealth Ontario about a lump we found on Matthew's neck. They wanted me to wake him up, so I went upstairs and Roland was sitting outside the room with the door closed. I had just gotten upstairs when Matthew came out of his room smiling. What a fun game to play with Daddy! So I took Matthew downstairs and continued my assessment with Telehealth. Turns out it's probably a swollen lymph node and nothing to worry about. Thank goodness. Matthew went to bed fairly quickly after that. Here's hoping tonight goes better with less wake ups than last night.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Day 17

Last night Matthew woke up twice. I didn't even notice the first time, I must have been dead asleep. He woke up again at 4:30 and I brought him into bed. Tonight I did bedtime and it was ok until it was time to get into bed. He started making excuses: saying "bum". I entertained him and put cream on his bum. The rest of bedtime was playtime. I left the room for a few minutes while he cried. When I came back he was still fooling around and bumped his split lip making it bleed again. I calmed him down, cleaned him up, gave him snuggles and put him back in bed. More fooling around, standing up saying hi, getting out of bed, wanting to be covered again. Finally, as I waited just outside his door with it half open, I thought he was asleep so I left. I was wrong. I went back up and ordered him back in bed. He wouldn't stay. I left and closed the door. He doesn't know I'm not holding it shut and hasn't left his room. I guess I get to go back in a few minutes. Oh joy. Bedtime sucks.

I went back in, gave him a different, thinner pillow and covered him up. He got up once, I put him back in bed and sat outside his room. I "think" this might stick. We shall see. Total time for him to fall asleep: 40 mins. Yuck.

Oh come on, eff off kid. 2 mins? Roland is heading up to deal with the brat.

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Day 16

Night 16 my dad put him to bed. All was well until 1:30. Matthew woke up and when I went down to get him, he wasn't sitting up or standing waiting for me. He seemed to be half asleep crying. I tried to snuggle him but he kept kicking his feet. He would calm down for a few minutes, but then start crying and squirming again. I kept asking him what was wrong and I never got a straight answer. He wouldn't come in the big bed with me, he wanted to sleep in his bed, but he kept crying on and off. Finally he said his bum. I took him upstairs and changed his bum. There was no rash on it and nothing seemed to be wrong. I massaged his legs for a while and he seemed to fall asleep, but not for long. He finally said he was hungry (he didn't eat dinner, big surprise), so he ate half a muffin and that's where we are now. He's now making all sorts of excuses and soon we will head downstairs and try for bedtime again. It's 2:15 am. Sleep training fail.

I ended up sleeping in the bed downstairs with Matthew. He squirmed and got up and asked for a baba, and pulled my hair, and mucked about until 4:30 when I threatened to leave. Eventually he settled down and we both fell asleep. He woke up at 7:30 and I pawned him off on Roland and went back to sleep.

Day 14 and 15

Day 14 I knew would be crap. We were driving up to my parent's house 2 hours away. We made our usual stop halfway at Tim Hortons for some timbits and a pee break. He usually falls asleep at some point, but this time he didn't. He was wide awake when we got to Grandma's house and just wanted to play. Roland tried to put him to bed, but there was just a lot of screaming, him being overtired and all. So I took over and snuggled beside him on the mattress on the floor. He woke up twice through the night and was pretty much up for the day at 4:30, but we tried to keep him in our bed as long as possible.

Day 15 was a similar story. We went to my aunt's cottage for dinner and didn't end up eating until after 7. By this point, Matthew refused to eat, even though I brought him his favourite couscous to eat. He had lots of fun running around in the backyard. By the time we got home, it was 10 pm. Way past his bedtime. I had to snuggle with him on the big bed to get him to sleep and he was asleep by 10:30. He woke up at 11:30! Roland went down to get him and I fell back asleep. At 4 am I realized Roland hadn't come back to bed. He slept on the bed downstairs with Matthew all night. Matthew woke up and Roland brought him to our bed at 6 am where he slept with me until 7:30. One more night of nonsense and maybe I'll be able to get him back on track when we get home. Sleep training sucks.

Friday, May 18, 2012

Day 13

Wednesday night it took Roland 45 mins for Matthew to go to sleep. He woke up only once and went right back to bed. Last night Roland did a bath and I did bedtime. Matthew seemed to be going along with it. I was aiming for an 8:30 bedtime because he was really fighting 8 pm. Everything was going well until we turned the light out. He didn't want to snuggle and rock in the glider, he wanted to run away. After putting some cream on his bum that he asked for (but totally didn't need), I turned the light off again and we snuggled and I sang him his song. He hopped right down and climbed into bed. That didn't last long and he was fighting me to get out of the room. I conceded to one more snuggle in the glider before putting him back in bed. At one point I had to leave the room and close the door. Eventually he settled down and went to sleep. I was nearly asleep too. It was 8:45. Blah. At 11 pm he woke up crying, not screaming, but not wimpering, full out crying. I went into his room and he was standing there in the middle of the room, eyes half closed, very dopey, and crying his little eyes out. I gave him a cuddle and put him back in bed. At some point in the night I heard some rustling. When I finally opened my eyes to look, Matthew had brought his pillow and blanket to our room to sleep on the floor. Ok, fine, whatever kid, just don't bug me. At 4 am he wanted in the bed. He was fooling around; he wanted me to put his blanket back on. Finally I sternly said "Matthew, go to sleep" and Roland covered him up with his blanket. He slept until 6 and when Roland said goodbye, Matthew came in bed with me for a few minutes and a snuggle. Le sigh.

Everything we've worked for is going to get royally screwed up this weekend (not that it's working that great anymore anyway), because we're going to my parent's house tonight. It always throws him off. I think we'll be either bringing a bed rail up, or putting his crib mattress on the floor and ditching the crib. Hopefully if we keep the same routine, it won't be so bad, but I'm probably kidding myself. Tonight is going to be the worst because we will be travelling right around bedtime and likely won't get to my parent's house before 10. Then Matthew will want to play with Grandpa before bed. I guess we'll just have to start from scratch when we get home on Monday. Sleep training sucks.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Day 12: AKA EFF Bedtime Sucks

Tonight Roland tried to do bedtime. Maybe Matthew's not tired. Maybe he's playing us against each other again. Maybe the strategy isn't working. Matthew is refusing to go to bed. All I hear is screaming and "MAMA, MAMA, MAMA!" I wish I knew why he was fighting bedtime like this. I thought we were on a good path. Maybe it's just a small setback, but I don't really know what to do about it. Maybe I need to take my co-worker's advice and buy a child lock for his room and let him scream until he passes out. I really really don't want to do that. He's screaming enough as it is. I don't think I can handle 3 hours of screaming. Someone help us.

Day 11

I started bedtime last night, but Matthew was screwing around. He thought it was a fun game. I initially sat in the doorway with the door open, but thought it was too light, so I closed it half way, then all the way. Holding the door closed when he got out of bed didn't seem to help. Eventually I left for a coffee date with my mom friends and Roland took over. He said it took another 30 mins of fooling around before he went to bed. At 11 pm I heard a "thump, waaaaah" and then nothing. Not sure what happened, but he stayed asleep. At 1 Matthew came into our room and I told him to go back to bed, which he did. Not too long after, he was in our room again, but this time he brought a pillow, then stuffed animals, then a blanket and I had to get out of bed to cover him up. He kept getting up and asking to come in the bed, and I kept having to cover him in blankets until finally I said "MATTHEW, GO TO SLEEP". This was 3 am and he finally went to sleep.  Ugh. Not sure how it's going to go tonight, but he's already a cranky puss. Hopefully he's nice and sleepy tonight.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Day 10

I tried something different when Matthew woke up at 1 am. Instead of bringing him back to bed, I simply told him "what's the matter, go back to bed sweatpea" and to my surprise, HE DID! Last night Matthew was having too much fun with Daddy outside watering the grass, so he didn't want to come in for bedtime. I dragged him in kicking and screaming and managed to tickle my way into a diaper change and pj's.  After that, Matthew was having NONE of me putting him to bed. He ran downstairs screaming "DADA". It became clear that I was not allowed to do bedtime, so Roland took over. It took a bit longer than usual, but he eventually went down at 8:30. Matthew woke up at 11 and Roland put him back to bed. When he woke up at 1 am, I told Matthew to go back to bed and surprise surprise, HE DID! He came into our room at 5:30 for morning snuggles. I may or may not get to do bedtime tonight. I have planned to go out for coffee with the ladies, so I will try to get bedtime done by 8. Tonight I'm going to tell Roland NOT to walk Matthew back to his room and only tell him to go and see what happens. Maybe this will put a stop to the middle of the night wake-ups. Fingers crossed as usual.

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Day 9

Last night Matthew was awake from 1-2:30. I stayed in his room for 50 mins and he still wouldn't go to sleep, so I brought his pillow and blanket to my room and he fell asleep eventually at 2:30. Tonight Roland did bedtime. Somehow he managed to get out of there right at 8 pm. I was impressed. Matthew just woke up (1 hour later) :(. When will this strategy result in uninterrupted sleep? At least bedtime is getting easier. Hopefully once we are able to stay outside the room it will get better. Tomorrow's goal is to sit outside his door with it open. Fingers crossed it actually works.

Saturday, May 12, 2012

Day 7 and 8

Day 7 Matthew fell asleep on Roland while he was babysitting and when they got home, he went straight to bed. He woke up 4 times between 3:30 and 4:30 am. Not impressed. Tonight I started the bedtime routine early to fit in a bath (where he pooped in the tub, ewww). Everything was going swimmingly until I tried to sit outside the door with it closed. Matthew did NOT like that, not one bit. I fought him for 25 mins periodically holding the door closed 2 mins at a time while he screamed his head off. Eventually he lay down in the bed and I sat down inside the room at the door. I guess I'll try sitting outside the door with it OPEN tomorrow.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Day 6

Day 5 took Matthew 45 mins to  fall asleep. He woke up at 11:30 for a snuggle and went back to sleep until 6! WOOT! I'll take it. Tonight I was 30 mins late starting bedtime because Matthew had a bath. I rushed through it and he was in bed by 8:10. He climbed in on his own after giving me a hug and kiss. I covered him up and sat down with my back against the wall right at the door. He stayed quiet and in his bed, but when I checked, he opened his eyes and smiled at me. He tossed and turned and I had a hard time telling if he was asleep or not. Just after 8:30 I decided to chance it. That was 5 mins ago and either he's asleep, or he didn't notice me leave, or he didn't mind that I left. I think tomorrow I will try to sit outside the door. Oh wait, tomorrow Roland is babysitting my niece and nephew (by himself, taking Matthew with him), so I don't know how well that will work. Hopefully it doesn't screw up the work I just did. We'll see.

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Day 5

I was able to start Matthew's bedtime routine almost on time and was ready to put Matthew into bed right at 8. Everything was going well and Matthew lay down quietly and I sat with my back against the wall right at the bedroom door. It was looking like I had it made. After 5 minutes I thought I should check to make sure he was asleep. His eyes were wide open. Darn. Then Roland started banging I don't know what and started vacuuming. Great. This woke Matthew right up. Matthew kept threatening to get out, but one stern word from Mommy kept him in his bed. But he kept tossing and turning and kicking off his blanket. So I waited. Quietly. In the dark. Until I finally heard snoring, from me! Matthew was finally asleep too. It took 45 minutes for him to fall asleep. Damn. That didn't go quiet as well as I had hoped. I'm not holding my breath for it lasting too long either. I really hope this strategy starts to pay off soon.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Day 4

So today marks day 4 in our new sleep training journey. We got screwed up right from the start because we were celebrating my BILs birthday with cake. So I didn't get to START the bedtime routine until 8:30. AND Matthew had an extra long nap today that I actually had to wake him up from when I went to pick him up. It took about 30 mins to change, read 2 stories, drink milk, brush teeth and say goodnight to Daddy. Then I rocked him in the glider while I sang him his song. I brought up a sippy cup of water up to his room and made sure he understood where it was and that he could get it any time in the night if he was thirsty. I put him in his bed and tucked him in and told him again where his sippy was and asked if he understood that he doesn't need Mommy to come if he's thirsty. He said yes. Then I sat back and waited. I sat about halfway between the crib and the door (probably 1 1/2 feet away). He didn't move. His eyes were closed and his breathing was slow. I took a chance and left. The time was 9:10. It only took me 10 mins from lights out to out the door. He was really tired, but I'm still waiting for him to wake up. Only time will tell if this will stick.

Well That Didn't Go So Well

Last night bedtime got pushed back late because Roland and Matthew went to Costco. So bedtime didn't get started until 8:30 and Matthew didn't fall asleep until 9:45. Fantastic. Now we wait for the first wake-up. It didn't take long. He woke up for the first time at 10:30 and Roland caved and gave him some milk. He woke up again at 11:45 and I refused to give him milk. Cue a massive 10 minute meltdown with Matthew running around drunk between our room and his. I sat in his room on the floor and waited for him to calm down and come back.  He eventually did and I gave him a hug until he calmed down and then I offered him some water.  He chugged the water and went back to sleep. But then he woke up at 3:30 and Roland put him back to bed. He woke up again at 4:30 and wanted in our bed. At this point we were both exhausted, but I refused to let him in our bed. When it was clear that he was not going to sleep in his own room, I had Roland bring the mat into our room and I told Matthew he could sleep on the floor. We'll have to wean him off this as well, but at least he's not IN our bed. When Roland got up at 5:15, so did Matthew and that's when he ended up back in bed with me for another hour until I was ready to get up. We are both exhausted. We're going to have to get tougher with him. Or maybe we'll have to call that Sleep Doula after all.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Sleep Training Take ... One Million?

Here we go again. Sleep has been an issue for us officially for 17 months. We've literally tried everything, twice. We're doing one more go at our last sleep training strategy and then calling in reinforcements: a Sleep Doula.  This time I'm going to start the training, and Roland will join in once I have things going. We're going to use a strategy I found on this blog. Essentially, you do the whole bedtime routine, then put the child in bed and sit beside the bed until they fall asleep. Each night you are supposed to move closer to the door, and eventually outside the door and hopefully the child learns to fall asleep on his own and begins to sleep through the night. This is the hope at least. So here is our official plan:

1. Upstairs and change into jammies.
2. Turn on dresser lamp and turn off main light. Give Matthew milk and read 2 stories and 2 stories only as chosen by Matthew.
3. Go brush teeth. Let Matthew brush for a minute or two, then finish the job.
4 . Let Matthew help turn off the lamp. Sit in glider and sing a song.
5. Put Matthew in bed and tuck him in. I've given him a pillow he likes, but intend on buying a smaller one.
6. If Matthew gets out of bed, tell him Mommy will leave if he doesn't stay in bed. Put him back in bed.
7. Actually leave and hold the door closed if he gets out of bed. Hold door closed for 2 minutes, then go back and tell him go get back in bed. Tuck him in and give him a hug and kiss.
8. Sit by bed with door open and nightlight on in hall until he falls asleep.

So that's the plan, here are the results so far.

Day 1.

I follow all the steps in our routine and put Matthew in bed. He's not happy. He wants to sleep on the floor. Then he wants to sleep in Mommy's bed. I insist he sleeps in his own bed and put him back in. He gets out. I put him in. He gets out. I put him back in. He gets out again. I tell him Mommy will leave if he doesn't stay in his bed. I give him this threat three times and then I actually leave and hold the door closed for what seems like forever as he screams and cries for Mama, Dada, Baba. I go back in and give him a snuggle in the glider. I ask him if he's ready for bed and of course he says no. I stay in the glider a bit too long and he's nearly asleep. I put him in bed, he protests, but he's practically asleep so he lays down and sleeps.

He wakes up 1 hour later and wanders downstairs. Roland takes him back up and he's back asleep in no time. Matthew wakes up again at 3:30 and wanders into our room. I'm too tired and let him in where he kicks and squirms for 2 hours before falling back asleep. I shall not let this happen again.

Day 2.

We do our routine again (plus a bath) and again I put him in his bed. He gets out. He thinks it's funny that Mommy keeps putting him back in bed. I warn him that I will leave if he doesn't stay in bed and when he pops back out again, I leave and hold the door closed for 2 minutes. He screams and cries, a lot. I go back in and snuggle him in the glider. Again he falls asleep on my shoulder and I put him in bed. This time he lasts only a few minutes before I have to go back in again. He wants a Baba. I give in and give him some milk (one fight at a time I think). He goes back to sleep in his bed.

He wakes up crying at 11, Roland puts him back in bed. He wanders in our room 10 minutes later and I put him back in his bed after some snuggles. He sleeps until 5:30 and ends up back in our bed.

Day 3.

I try to shorten the routine, but read his second book for a longer time because he LOVES trucks. We snuggle and I sing his song, but he doesn't let me finish. He wants to get his blankets. So I put him in bed and cover him in his blanket. He's squirming and fooling around, kicking the blanket off and threatening to get out of bed. I tell him I will leave if he gets out of bed. He stays in bed at first, then he does get out and sits on the floor smiling at me. I tell him to get back into bed or I'll leave (instead of putting him back in bed). He gets out of bed again despite my warnings and I leave and hold the door closed. Cue more crying and screaming for Mama, Dada, Baba. I go back in and instead of cuddles in the glider, I tell him to get back in bed. He does and I cover him in blankets and rub his back, give him a hug and kiss and sit down beside the bed. He falls asleep fairly quickly, making a murmur when I walk out of the door.

I will report on the results tomorrow. Fingers crossed for progress. I really don't feel like spending $250 on a Sleep Doula if I don't have to, but desperate times call for desperate measures.