Happy Birthday To Me

Happy Birthday Day 1. I turned the big 3-0 on Friday and this year's birthday was quite special, I must say. My hubby had big plans for me, secret plans, plans he's been working on for quite some time apparently. All I was told was to be dressed and ready to go at 9:30 on Thursday. Well, I had some issues getting ready by 9:30 as Matthew would NOT nap. So I took a shower, WITH Matthew. That was, um, interesting, but I couldn't see any way around it as he basically climbed in with his clothes on when I left him on the bathroom floor to play. So I got showered and dressed, well half dressed, and my aunt showed up at my door. "I was in the neighbourhood". Ha ha ha, nice one, and so it begins. After finally getting a shirt on and my hair brushed and dried-ish, the doorbell rings again. It was my good friend Shannon. Whaaaaa? I did not expect her, but I was pleasantly surprised. Soon my sister in law showed up and we were off, to where I did not know. We parked and started walking, by then I suspected what was going on. We arrived at a spa and all got much needed manicures. After manicures, we went for lunch and my friend Devon met us. We decided to get ice cream cake from DQ after and we all went home to treat ourselves. What a wonderful day! To top it off, hubby bought me a beautiful sapphire necklace "from Matthew". I am so blessed.

Happy Birthday Day 2! Yes, I get a multi-day birthday this year. Hey, I turn OLD, don't I deserve it? Day 2 (my actual birthday) was somewhat uneventful. I had to do that birthday tradition of getting new stickers and a new license. Fun. After packing up for my parent's house, we headed to the license office. Wouldn't it just be my luck that it was packed 12 people out the door at 9 am. Great. I decided to skip it and go straight north. Matthew gave me the best birthday present: sleep the entire drive up! WOOT! After unpacking at my parents house, I finally had to get down to business and went into town to get my license stuff done. It took all of 3 minutes. Yay! The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. My parent's gift is stuck in the mail strike backlog, so we just had a nice dinner and relaxed.

Happy Birthday Day 3! For many years now, my BFF and I have had a wonderful birthday tradition. We always go to a concert for our birthdays since they are 4 days apart. We've done a Hawksley concert every year since we first saw him in 2003 in a tennis court of a resort in our home town. Did I mention Hawksley is from my home town? That's right! He even went to our high school but left the year before we started. My favourite teacher of all time was the man who first introduced me to Hawksley, though I didn't appreciate it at the time. It wasn't until this teacher's memorial several years later that I got a full appreciation of the GENIUS (Yes, genius) that is Hawksley Workman. Hawksley came back from wherever he was currently touring to sing a goodbye song for his favourite teacher. Anyway, we are both huge fans of Hawksley and have been to 8 concerts together! This "birthday concert" as I like to call it was my 10th Hawksley concert and it was FABULOUS! Usually when he plays at home, it's just him and his ever faithful sidekick Mr Lonely. This time he brought someone else with him: Brad Killpatrick from St John's Newfoundland!

One of the things (other than his music obviously) that I like about Hawksley concerts is he's a real entertainer. He chats a lot with his audience and makes jokes. I've seen Hawksley in Newfoundland and I've seen him in Toronto, but he's never as good as when he's at home. His jokes refer to things and events in town and we all just "get" his sense of humour. I'll never forget his show in Massey Hall when every joke he made seemed to bomb with the audience, and every funny facial expression or leg kick he made seemed hilarious. I found it disturbing, and apparently so did he and he made a real joke and said "now THAT'S funny!" There were way too many references and jokes to list them all, but I thought I'd list the funniest:

- Apparently Hunstville needs an overpass because "I need to get through town way quicker than I can currently"

- He told a story of going to a concert and one of the back stage hands had an Islander's jersey on that was signed, "Dear, Hawksley, I don't shoot wide, Mike Bosey" (which if you know his songs, is HILARIOUS!)

- Hawksley compared himself to a cat in terms of his music and his routine "I like lamb and rice, don't give me chicken treat, I want lamb and rice"

- A random rambling of his was about having to pick up his Debbie Travis raincheck rug at Crappy Tire.

- A broken escalator reminded him of the first automatic door at Brendale Square. The Sinclair West escalator seems to always be broken, but he doesn't remember the automatic door at Brendale Square ever being broken. No one fixes automatic doors, but now they have a new one and it's gonna break for sure.

- "It's hard to impress a woman with a deep freezer in the drive and an electric stove on the deck"

- After a long break before his encore someone asked "What took you so long". Referring to an earlier comment about some excellent cheese he had at home he responded "10 year old cheese"

Of course, as always, it's not necessarily what he says but rather the way he says it: like it just occurred to him before the beginning, or in the middle of, one of his songs.

So it was an awesome concert. Hawksley changed it up and played drums in one part, sat beside Lonely and played piano in one part and even played the recorder. There was also some accordion and xylophone mixed in there for good measure. The only thing that was missing from this concert was my best friend, but it was indeed a Happy Birthday!

Y3W ~ One Year Old!!!

Ok, so I'm almost a week late, but I just have to share how well my ONE YEAR OLD is doing! First his party. It was fabulous! He had a nap just before the party began and was a bit clingy until he woke up. All his friends showed up and he had a blast with them. It was too cold and windy to go outside, so I brought the ball pit inside for the kiddos to play in. I think they all had fun. I was super stressed out about the whole party after having planned, baked, prepped and decorated the entire thing by myself, but it all worked out in the end. There was lots of food, and yummy yummy dairy free cake! I was surprised by how good the actual cake tasted and everyone seemed to like it. Unless they were lying. And now some fun pictures of Matthew's cake adventure.

Matthew's 1 year appointment went well. He is right on track for development and he is gaining weight now like a champ. He took his needles like a champ. He only cried for a split second when the needles went in, but he was happy to cuddle mommy after.

And now his stats:

32" tall

21 lbs 12 oz

18" head circumference

On Wednesday we went back to the breastfeeding clinic. They are VERY pleased with his weight gain. 1 whole pound in 3 weeks!!! They think my current dose of domperidone is good, so no need to increase it. They also said the night waking recently is probably due to teeth, and not eating enough food during the day and hopefully he'll start sleeping soon. I got a referral to a pediatric allergist, so hopefully I can get that appointment soon. As for the dairy free thing, the pedi suggested I give cooked or processed dairy a go since he didn't seem to have a reaction such as a rash when he was eating yogurt or cheese earlier. Since we now know the night waking and uncomfortable tummy thing wasn't due to tummy pain, rather an EMPTY tummy! So I've started him back on some dairy, and he seems to be doing well with it, which means I get to eat dairy too! YAY! Oh cheese, how I missed you! I'll probably make an appointment before I go back to work to discuss plans for daycare, but they information sheets they gave me said I don't need to give him any other form of milk during the day as long as I'm still breastfeeding him 3-4 times a day! I was also told I can give him enriched rice milk as a drink, so that's probably the way I'll go for his lunch time drink. I'm very happy to be finally listened to, and have a plan. I'm so glad I went with my instincts and found the right support. I know I've said this before, but I wish us moms didn't have to learn these lessons the hard way. If something isn't right, find an answer, someway, somehow! Mommy is always right!!!

Y3W: I'm Turning ONE!

My little monkey is almost ONE! I can't believe it! I had a party for his little friends on Wednesday. Ok, it was a party for me and my mommy friends that I've met through my mom group. It was a whirlwind. I was behind on my cleaning and prep work and Matthew refused REFUSED to take a nap! It was tough getting things ready, but I made it. Everything turned out great, even though Matthew decided to take his nap in the MIDDLE of his playdate. Go figure. The kids had tonnes of fun and I got some great pictures. Now I just have to prepare for his family birthday party on the weekend. I'll let you see for yourself how fun the party was with lots and lots of pictures!

The New Plan

So it's clear now that my supply is nearly gone and before I go into details about the new plan, I'll go into details about all the medical professionals who screwed up and the instinct I didn't listen to.

When Matthew was born (at 1:20 am), he was a "big" boy. 9 lbs 1 oz didn't seem that big to me, but he still had to have 3 good sugar tests after birth. He passed all of them with flying colours. Nursing was a hard thing to learn and R and I went to the hospital breastfeeding clinic for some help. I was cracked and bleeding by the time Matthew was 12 hours old. The lactation consultant said I should probably pump on the bleeding side until it healed and sent us on our way. R left at 10 pm that night and I was alone with a newborn baby who wouldn't settle no matter what. I also hadn't slept since I woke up at 7 am the previous day. When the nurses offered to take him to the nursing station so I could sleep, it sounded like a godsend. They promised to bring him back for his next feed at 1 am. And so I got about 2 hours of sleep before I woke up waiting for the return of my son. I waited until 1:15 to start worrying, but I gave them the benefit of the doubt. I kept giving them 15 mins to see if they would bring him back, and when they didn't, I kinda started to freak out. "I didn't check their ID, what if they just stole my baby?" "He must be hungry by now, I need to feed him!" At 2 am I called them to bring him back. When they returned him they simply said "He was hungry so we finger fed him formula". Um, what? Who gave you permission to do that? And why wouldn't you bring him back for ME to feed? I was upset and confused, but I figured "they're the experts, I guess they know what they're doing".

His weigh in was around 3 am at 26 hours old and he had lost ... 3%! I thought this was a GOOD thing since they only worry at around 10%. I don't remember how it came about, but some time that morning, the nurses came in with a bottle of formula saying "he's a big boy, he needs to eat". I immediately thought it was odd to feed a baby 60 ml of formula when he'd only naturally be getting a teaspoon or so of colostrum. But again I trusted "the experts". The lactation consultant was sent in to teach me how to use the supplemental nursing system: tube feeding. It was hard and confusing and I was overwhelmed. Around 10 am I was anxious to get out. Since we had both gone to the bathroom, and passed all our tests I was told we could leave as soon as the shift changed. But they kept me and kept me in the dark. Turns out, they were concerned because I was weepy and crying all the time. Um... I JUST gave birth to a baby, I'm in PAIN, and you STOLE MY BABY IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!!! I managed to convince them I DIDN'T have Post Partum Depression and they let me go, with a referral to a breastfeeding clinic attached to the hospital.

Tube feeding at home did NOT go well. It was hard enough just to try and get Matthew to latch without having to shove a tube in his mouth. I was in incredible pain from all the bad latches and overwhelmed and upset by the struggle. When Matthew was 3 days old, we went to the breastfeeding clinic. She promptly scolded me for tube feeding when there was no medical necessity to do so and told me I had jeopardized my supply. We did a weighed feed and Matthew took in 2 oz in 15 mins on one side. CLEARLY I had enough milk! She sent me home with instructions to pump for 10 mins on each side after every feed with a hospital grade rental pump. After 2 days of this, Matthew was choking at the breast and not latched very well. I was exploding with milk! Another trip to a different breastfeeding clinic identified the problem. I now had oversupply and not only could Matthew not latch properly to my boulders, but he was choking by the forceful letdown. I was sent home from that appointment with instructions to hand express before each feed and block feed to reduce supply. It took 6 weeks of weekly breastfeeding clinic appointments before it finally got under control. And at 6 weeks, my "typical" baby became suddenly colicky and inconsolable without gripe water and baby squats. Hmmmm.....

The 6 week mark also signifies my first post-partum appointment where my doctor promptly prescribed me the low dose birth control pill as my ONLY option other than condoms. It took me about 2 months to realize that my supply didn't seem as good as it once was and I went in for an appointment with my doctor. "I think the pill has decreased my supply". His response? "Oh yeah, it'll do that. Just supplement with formula or stop taking it and use condoms". Um... WHAT? "Isn't there a progesterone only mini pill I can take?" "Oh, um, I suppose, let me look it up". So I switched pills and things seemed to be going along nicely.

That is until I introduced solids at 6 months. At first he liked them, but over Christmas he got sick and outright refused solids. He was also cutting 4 teeth. He then went on a nursing strike that lasted about a week. It was difficult to even get 1 oz of fluid into him, but every 15 mins we would try and give him SOMETHING and I would offer him the breast whenever he cried. He always refused. Eventually he started nursing again and all was well. Until he had his first allergic reaction. It was peaches and a small "teething rash" turned into a full body rash. We were instructed to stop all solids until the rash cleared. When we started up again, I tried avocado thinking it would be readily available in Mexico when we went on vacation. Again, full body rash. Arg. So again, we stopped all solids. And so our feeding experience went. Up and down with Matthew refusing solids and developing allergies. And all along, the sleep issues just kept getting worse.

So now we're caught up to my first appointment with my doctor about his sleep issues, and the following appointments with the dietitian, naturopath, lactation consultant and pediatrician. And now the plan:

1. Stop taking the mini pill

2. Start taking Domperidone

3. Offer the breast whenever he wants it

4. Use breast compressions to convince him to drink and not just suck

5. Eat meals together and allow him to eat well spiced table foods

6. Offer many snacks throughout the day and push dinner later to eat with the family

7. Try not to offer the breast overnight unless he won't be settled any other way

8. Make an appointment with a pediatric allergist

9. Come back in 3 weeks to see how the breastfeeding is going and make a plan for back to work.

So that's the plan. The new plan. The breastfeeding friendly plan, and since we "think" he has a milk allergy, it's the best plan I can think of that avoids expensive hypo-allergenic formula. After 5 1/2 months I really hope I can say THIS is the solution I've been looking for.

Milk Supply Crashed

I went to a breastfeeding clinic today and after seeing about a bazillion different professionals, one thing is very clear: my supply has all but dried up. I was beginning to realize this was the case when I started to actually pay attention to the WAY Matthew was nursing. He's not really drinking any milk. This explains a LOT! So I now have a prescription for Domperidone and a follow up appointment.

The real question is WHY has my supply crapped out? After much discussion of my history, it becomes very clear: really really bad, conflicting breastfeeding advice. After being sent home from the hospital supplementing and tube feeding, overcorrecting with pumping, overcorrecting with block feeding, low dose birth control pill and cutting out night feeds, it's obvious why my milk has struggled to keep up. It appears that even my mini pill is affecting my supply so I will be dropping that ASAP. I now realize why Matthew seemed suddenly "colicky" at 6 weeks: he was reacting to a drop in my supply. It's probably the reason for all the nightly wake ups. It's probably the reason for Crabby McCrabberson showing up every afternoon and lately every morning.

So we have another piece to the puzzle. Now I just need to make an appointment to get a referral with a pediatric allergist and wait for my follow up appointment at the breastfeeding clinic. Hopefully at that point we can make a plan for how to proceed when I go back to work. Fingers crossed that we get some sleep REAL soon!

Mystery is Unravelling

Today was the day we saw the dietitian. It was very eye opening for me. She listened to all my concerns, asked tonnes of questions and really wanted to know all the details of Matthew's life and how the introduction of solids had gone. I went over his ups and downs with food, his allergies and his sleep issues. She came to one conclusion right away: he has a milk protein allergy. His full body rash reaction to regular formula really should have tipped us off. So now we both have to go dairy free. It's going to be very hard because there are a lot of products with hidden dairy in them. We're also going soy free. That's not a big deal since I'm already allergic to soy and avoid it, it shouldn't be too hard to keep Matthew away from it. So that was problem A solved, then we went on to problem B.

I told her that I was concerned that it looked like he didn't gain a lot of weigh from 6-9 months, aka since starting solids. So she weighed him. Matthew has lost at least an ounce in the last two months (the scale kept fluctuating). Not good. You want babies to GAIN, not LOSE! :( My poor baby. He's probably been starving all this time and that's why he hasn't been sleeping well. So in addition to going on a strict feeding schedule, we have to supplement with formula.

I feel so bad for my poor baby. All those fussy afternoons, all those long nights, were probably because of an upset tummy and hunger. I am so glad I finally listened to my instincts. I KNEW something wasn't right. I should have pushed the issue earlier, but I'm glad I finally got someone to listen to me. We are going to push on with all our new information and at Matthew's one year appointment, I'm going to ask for some blood tests to see if Matthew has a soy allergy like me in addition to a milk protein allergy.

Yes there is a moral to this story, one I should have learned long ago. Listen to your instincts. If you know something isn't right, even if you can't identify it, push to find the answer. If you don't like the answer you're getting, look elsewhere for help. But do not give up. I wish I had learned this lesson for myself long ago, but at least I have finally learned it when it counted most, when it affected my beautiful, wonderful baby boy.

Y3W ~ Strong or Stupid?

Yesterday was a big, fat, huge FAIL! He did not take one single nap! He never really even fell asleep nursing because when I broke the latch he popped right back up. We put him to bed extra early and he was in his crib (screaming) by 5:30. It took 45 mins of screaming before he fell asleep ... for 30 mins!!! Another 15 mins of screaming later and he finally fell asleep for the night. He woke up at 2 to nurse and woke at 4:30, 5:30 and 6 but went back pretty quickly on his own. We got up at 7 so I guess that's a success.

So we're on to another day and the first nap isn't going any better than it has in days past. When does it get easier? Am I even doing the right thing? This isn't working and I hate hearing him scream. He needs me and I'm ignoring him. That's how I feel. I feel like a horrible mother. If it was actually working I might feel the pain is worth it, but when will it work? This whole week has been one terrible, horrible, no good, very bad week and I just want it to be over. I'm so tired of the screaming. It breaks my heart. I'm losing my resolve. I just want to know when it will end. HELP!