OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!

I'm going crazy! Totally crazy! Matthew had a horrible day at daycare. He had 2 bad pee accidents and a poo accident and the daycare provider's potty trained son even followed in Matthew's footsteps and peed in his pants because "Matthew pees his pants". When I picked Matthew up, he was soaked through nap and he refused to try to pee before we left. On the way home he said he had to pee, so I stopped at Wendy's and tried to get him to go. He refused. We had a chat, he refused, cried, said it hurt (because he had to pee). When I put him back in the car he said he had to pee, but I kept going. He started crying because he said he had to pee and I yelled at him. I got so mad. I yelled. I knew as I was doing it I needed to calm down and not yell but I couldn't control myself. I was so mad. We managed to make it home without an accident, but by that point I was crying. Matthew peed on the potty as soon as we got home and immediately asked for a treat. I started with the yelling again and then went upstairs to cry in the bathroom.  Matthew followed me, sat on the floor, looked up at me and said "stop Mommy". I managed to put a movie on for Matthew without yelling at him, but I could not calm myself down. I couldn't make dinner. It was all I could do to not yell at Matthew or get mad at him anymore. I was so mad at myself for losing it, but I still couldn't get my emotions under control. I felt so guilty that I had treated him like that, especially over potty training. What if I just scarred him? He's just being a kid, why did I have to lose my cool? Why am I so emotional? Why can't I stop crying?

I basically did my best to ignore Matthew for much of the rest of the night. I did take some time to snuggle him and apologize and tell him that I loved him and he was my big boy, but I couldn't do much more than that. I was just so done. Roland made dinner and took care of Matthew and put together the new shelving unit with him. Finally it was time for bedtime. I dreaded doing it, but decided I was going to do my best to relax. Last night's bedtime and the night before were absolutely terrible. Matthew kept running back and forth and back and forth and back and forth to use the potty, or try to anyway, constantly asking one of us to help him. It ended in lots of screaming and a really really long bedtime. Tonight I vowed to stay as calm as possible and tolerate as much as I could so I could avoid the screaming fits. Matthew did his usual fooling around. He used the potty twice. We had to unclog the toilet because he had snuck in earlier to throw about 20 flushable wipes into the toilet. He wanted cream, wanted to roll the lint off his jammies, wanted a new "nighttime underwear" etc etc. Finally I got him to snuggle in the chair. He was talking non-stop: "penguin wake me up", "kitty wake me up", "go away kitty", "go away penguin" etc. I tried to talk to him telling him I would talk to the penguin and the kitty and tell them to go away and not come in his bed. He wanted me to go downstairs and hit the penguin so I told him I didn't hit anyone and I would talk to the penguin instead. I then changed the subject and told him he was a big boy and he had big boy nighttime underwear on and he didn't have to worry about peeing a little because the special underwear would keep him dry. I was upstairs talking to him for 50 minutes and we finally settled on "if you stay in your bed and you're quiet, Daddy will come and check on you". For some reason this finally worked. I think he was just tired enough.

So we'll see how overnight goes. I hope the worst is over and things will start to settle soon. I hope he'll get used to going potty at other places other than home. I hope he relearns how to go to bed without a fight or shinanigans. I hope he learns to sleep through the night finally. I'm so so so tired of this. I'm losing more and more of my cool the bigger I get. I'm getting sore in places I never was sore with Matthew. I feel huge already and I'm only 27 weeks. It's going to be a long 3 months and then the real hell begins. I'm scared.